Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Lesbians that date men


I know of many self identified lesbians that are dating men and even married to them. It can be a complicated system there and many jokes get made among my friends that he should consider himself lucky, his girlfriend/wife is a lesbian. There can be a lot of reasons really for a lesbian to date a man, or for a woman dating a man to call herself a lesbian. At that point, it's not usually the right term. I myself consider them to be bisexuals that prefer women but I suppose that's not always the case.

I guess the most common reason that a woman with a man would call herself a lesbian is if she came out to herself after she was already with the man. Just because our bodies are attracted to one thing, doesn't always change the heart. I myself came out to myself when I was dating a guy. I kept trying to date him cuz I really did like him. I gave up after we tried to have sex and I just couldn't find him appealing in that way at all. He wanted sex with me, I wanted to have sex... with his sister!

Another reason could be, trying it. Maybe they are doubting their sexuality so they are going to try to date a guy, but wouldn't consider them to be attracted to men. I think that's more of a stage of bicurious just not in the way people usually see it. Usually, it's someone considering homosexual actions. Who says it can't be someone homosexual, considering heterosexual actions? I don't see why that's a bad concept. If you aren't sure about what you want, there really is only one way to trully find out. Try it! You can think about it all you want but you'll never really know unless you give it a shot. So, they just dive right in, maybe even fall in love. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to have sex with them.

Another reason could be the good old fashioned cover up! Out to themselves but no one else. They are only with a guy so no one will know who they really are. I actually feel very sorry for these girls because they have no freedom. Sometimes it is concern of the judgement of family, friends that aren't gay tolerant, and things like that. There are many reasons. One can be religion. Some points on that I plan to hit on but that's another blog for another day.

I suppose another possible reason is that yes, they are indeed gay, but that special someone they can't help but love happens to be a man. I guess it could happen. They may not be that physically attracted to them but the heart wants what it wats, right? They at least think it's that ONE, the soulmate essentially. I've seen strait women fall for other women. Though, would that make the woman bisexual if she falls for a man? Not necessarily. Lesbian is the sexual orientation. The gender you are sexually attracted to. Lots of people love people they fiund hideous. I have actually. Heck, that man may even look feminine and that's why they don't mind.

Personally, I can't see myself ever being with a man again. I spent the first 19 years of my life lying to myself and I wish I hadn't. I lost a lot of oppotunities where I could of been happier and more satisfied with a woman. I don't regret it though for many reasons. I learned for my mistakes is one thing. I learned what I do and do not like. I never have to go through that "What if a man is what I really need?" because I know it's not. I also was blessed with my 2 sons which I wouldn't trade for a lifetime of happiness with a woman. Everyone has to go through a learning process in some way or another, it's all in how well you come out of that process that really matters.

I wish I could say more on the matter but I don't think there's much left to say, is there?

~Lisa Cole

P.S. As always, I ask you all to comment and consider my facebook group for lesbians and bi girls, Girls <3 Girls: http://www.facebook.com/groups/179602085475037/

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